Compassion? Really? What happened to Strong Leaders?
Well, I guess that depends on your definition of “Strong.”
Gone are the days when being “Strong” meant giving “Thou Shalt” orders with no discussion (because they knew best, so why ask?), having zero interaction with the people who create your success, and never letting them see you sweat (aka being vulnerable).
Yup. Totally gone. None of those leaders exist anymore.
(Insert silence at my naivety)
The great news is that evolved leaders really don’t function this way anymore, and people who currently have dinosaur leaders are realizing there’s another, WAY more effective, way to lead. Thought leaders including Brene Brown, Simon Sinek and Patrick Lencioni have started the process of normalizing vulnerability and compassion as critical skills of extraordinary leaders.
A few months ago, I started writing a book with the working title of “Leadership Doesn’t Have to Be Hard – Just Don’t be an Asshole.” That came from years of working with leaders and watching how small acts of compassion or vulnerability would change relationships with their teams. It also came from work I was doing with our team on creating Core Values with an organization. It became a joke for us, that all core values would lead back to “Don’t be an Asshole” as a foundation. I still think it’s the most succinct and impactful value and I want to work for the company that publishes it as one of their values.
Back to compassion.
Compassion is far from a “soft” skill. It takes strength and isn’t always easy. Paul Gilbert, who has written many books on compassion and is the founder of compassion-focused therapy, writes, “To behave compassionately is to learn to be generous, dedicated and helpful, but NOT submissive.”
It takes compassion to build trust with your teams, have hard conversations, give constructive feedback, encourage healthy conflict, and build a diverse team; all complex components that create a strong, aligned, and productive workforce.
It’s way easier to surround yourself with “yes” people, make decisions unilaterally, run away from challenging conversations and ignore silos or conflicts within the organization. Then you don’t have to get into the “messy” people stuff (isn’t that HR’s job?)!
Focusing on efficiencies and the balance sheet is easy.
It’s also the quickest way to lose your best people.
The best employees want and demand more from their leaders now. They want to know their leaders care. Being compassionate doesn’t come naturally for some, depending on their history, but it can be learned and developed.
So – to answer the original question. What happened to the strong leaders?
They evolved.
They now understand and embrace the power of compassion.